DVD Weekly

I bought a Sunday Newspaper today, it was a new one. It was called  ‘Free DVD’. Intrigued, I took it home, and then realised it was actually The Observer. Boo. How was I to know? The Free DVD Masthead was in 100pt bold, with, about four decks below, in a font half the size, ‘The Observer’, coquettishly peeking out below a cut out of Alison Steadman.

Tough times eh? But, in the final few months of the Observer’s life (before it becomes a weekly digest of funny news stories culled from PA sources around the world, a round up of Amazon.com book reviews and an Ocado-sponsored recipe of the week) (probably) they’re obviously doing their bit to stave off the inevitable.

...and I like Demis Roussos...

But DVDs? As a way to tempt readers to part with their £2? I don’t think so, do you? It’s one outmoded technology piggybacking off another. And, while the thought is probably bang on target (Mike Leigh + The Observer Readers = mutual snogfest) the vehicle is, I think, far too Daily Mail. Maybe they should have had an iPhone app giving geo-tagged directions to all the locations used in Roman Polanski’s flight from extradition? Or a pack of grow-your-own Quinoa seeds?  Or, radically, why doesn’t it spend its money on producing half-decent podcasts and start playing the long game? Then it might have a proper, journalistic, future.

I’ve never really been a fan of free stuff. I’m not a follower of Martin Lewis – the latter day Saint of Saving. I caught him the other morning, cosying up to Lorraine Kelly,  bragging on about how you can cut out 50p off Charmin toilet rolls and legitimately take them to Tesco and redeem them for 50p off any other toilet roll. Or even a Toilet Duck. Whatever the law might think of it,  to me that’s just bad sport. So go and sow those pockets in your shroud, Martin.

So, I know, free stuff works for some people. But, for every action, and all that…

With artists from Prince to Sigur Ros giving away free CDs with the Sunday, HMV have already complained about how they’re killing the already beleaguered music retail industry. And you can see their point.

Dog's dinner of a CD?

How can the papers afford to give this stuff away? Well, in the short term, I guess the bulk buying of CDs costs far less than the spike of sales they’ll recoup. But, even though I happen to love Dad’s Army,  I’d happily learn conversational Italian, and, no doubt, would find Far From The Madding Crowd, read by Martin Jarvis, diverting enough on the dull length of the A1,  somehow, when they’re slipped in a cardboard case, and packed in cellophane next to Lakeland catalogues, they lose all value. And I lose all interest. And they’ll be chucked out by Monday.

The romance of the French Lieutenant’s woman, or the heartbreak of Kramer vs Kramer – lost in a sea of inserts, in the recycle bin.

And does this marketing strategy work in the long term? Every indication points to not.

Earlier this year, the Independent gave away the debut CD of indie     supergroup Mongrel – featuring former members of the Arctic Monkeys and Babyshambles, and fronted by Reverend and the Maker’s Jon McClure.

At the time, McClure was quoted as saying he believed the move was an effective way of promoting the band and boosting sales.

It did neither. The CD was a flop, and the reviews were pretty mixed, to say the least.

“It’s an injustice that CDs cost £13 in the shops when they actually cost 50p to make, making kids go and steal off the internet. So why not engage with the reality of the situation and put it on the front cover,” McClure said, forgetting to mention the huge cash injection he got from the Indie as part of the deal, nor the fact that, when rich rock stars effecitively say that music is cheap, it makes it even harder for struggling musicians to legitimately ask for us to pay for their music. A definite case of ‘power to the people, but let’s get the cash up front, please’, I’d say.

Six months later, who cares about Mongrel? Oh, and the Indie’s still losing around £70,000 a day and is about to call in the receivers.

You get nowt for nowt, as they say.

(apologies for the text in this post looking like a selection box of your favourite fonts. WordPress sucks. Maybe it’s because it’s  free)